As a nation, we’re finally becoming more sex positive when it comes to women’s pleasure. It’s the golden age of the clitoris. But what about the bum? With 56% of all porn scenes featuring anal, it’s becoming more mainstream than it’s ever been. Dose writer Lucy speaks to sex educator of Sex + Zine Kim Loliya about her upcoming event Anal 101 at The Book Club in Shoreditch.
How did you get into sex educator work?
I grew up with pelvic pain and when I started my healing journey in my mid-twenties I realised that there was a huge amount of shame, misinformation and pressure around sex that holds people back from getting what they really want or need. In order to tackle this, I decided to run a book club about sex and that led to some great conversations that had a lot of depth. I moved on to facilitating and speaking at more events/workshops, opening a coaching practice and creating a magazine that shares real stories about sex.
What are common misconceptions about Anal Pleasure?
That everyone should do it or that everyone is doing it, that it should feel good if you’re turned on enough and that it’s a sexually safe practice because you can’t get pregnant.
Why is anal pleasure seen as more taboo than vaginal pleasure?
Anal is still shameful/taboo particularly in British culture due to the messages we receive from potty training onwards that our that the anus is dirty and should only be touched in a functional way and not for pleasure. Some of this conditioning is necessary to prevent the spread the spread of disease (particularly historically), but a lot of it creates unnecessary shame and trauma that people carry their whole lives. The reality of anal sex still being taboo and forbidden is definitely part of why it’s so appealing and there can be a sense of transgression, which is thrilling for those who choose to go towards it. However, the way anal is portrayed in porn (and this applies to sex generally) is simply not reality, there are lots of necessary steps that take place before and after off camera that the audience doesn’t usually see. We need to learn how to do it safely in order to learn more about our bodies and have the best experience possible.
What can people expect from your Anal 101 event at The Book Club?
It’s going to be fun, informative and there will be lots of time for questions! It’s a shame-free environment where everyone is welcome and there is no pressure to go home and do it afterwards!
What’s the best way to dip a toe (or finger) into Anal play?
Start by doing some self-touch with varying degrees of pressure to get to know the area first and find out what feels good, you might want to add some coconut oil and relaxing music to make it a more sensual experience.
What other things can more experienced ‘anal players’ try?
There are plenty of toys on the market including butt plugs and vibrators of various shapes, sizes and materials. You can also try adding multiple types of penetration, multiple fingers or even a fist!
Why should people give it a try? What are they missing out on?
People should give it a try to expand their horizons beyond PIV (penis-in-vagina) sex, there are endless pleasure opportunities as well as being an avenue to overcome shame with playfulness.
What kind of people generally come to your events?
Explorers of all types come to my events, generally speaking women in their 20’s and 30’s like to attend because they feel it’s a safe space for them.
Tickets for Anal 101 here and include a free tube of lube!
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