We know that boosting our sex drive has a lot to do with stressing less but what does a sexual self care routine actually look like? Dr. Anna Hushlak and Billie Quinlan, founders of mindful sex app Ferly explain all…
Steps to building a sexual self care routine
Slow the f down
“Carve out some time that is just for you exploring your sexuality. If you’re an early bird, it might be a 6am session to energise you before your day really starts. Maybe you want to crawl under the covers for a late night play. Or perhaps you’ve got the flexibility to explore during the day.
Personally, I like to integrate my sexual self-care with my actual self-care and do it on a Sunday. It’s an all day process – but the sexy bit rounds it all off when I’m in bed and feeling refreshed”.
Be intentional about creating space
“This doesn’t just mean taking the time. It can also mean creating a space and setting the mood. It could be as simple as clearing out a drawer to put your things – either underwear that makes you feel sexy, toys, a journal, lube or anything else that helps to get you going.
If you’re exploring yourself in bed, maybe you want to have fresh sheets (I like doing this on a Sunday morning, in prep for sexy time later that night). Or it could be creating some mood lighting in the living room, lighting some candles, putting on a playlist (or the Ferly app) and clearing a space either on the sofa, on cushions or on the floor. Either way – be intentional”.
“Starting a ritual means creating a habit. The best way of doing that is to create micro-habits that will encourage you to keep going. Perhaps you start with putting on something that makes you feel really sexy. Maybe you do that every week and that’s as far as you go. Perhaps the week after you take a picture. The week after that you listen to a guided masturbation. The week after you experiment with a toy. It doesn’t have to be everything all at once”.
Find your groove
“Remember that sex, and your relationship to it, is entirely personal. So masturbation might not even be in your sexual self-care routine. It might be that you spent 30 minutes journalling and reflecting on how you feel about sex, a recent sexual encounter or writing down a fantasy about what you would like to happen. Find your groove, and don’t worry if it looks different to other people’s idea of sexual self-care”.
Rinse and repeat
“Once you get into it, just keep on doing it. Whether it’s once a week, daily or every month, just keep up the ritual – because it’s a way of reminding yourself that this is an important part of your life. It deserves your time and attention”.
Ferly is an audio app and guide to mindful sex, launched by co-founders Billie Quinlan and Dr. Anna Hushlak who wanted to create space where women could discover exactly what sex and pleasure mean to them. Providing audio erotic stories, guided practices and personalised programmes to create connection and intimacy, Ferly helps women explore pleasure in a more mindful way and overcome sexual struggles they may be facing – be that personally or with a partner.
The app combines mindfulness and cognitive therapy with self-touch in immersive audio experiences, to help women approach sex in a more holistic way and alleviate physical and mental blockers caused by stress, anxiety or cultural stigmas.
Main image: Sex Education, Netflix
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