Our editor pays a visit to a new wellness lifestyle club with an interactive play zone, indulgent spa, luxury salon, plant-based brasserie and alternative medicine clinic all under one roof…
For those who aren’t familiar with the World Meteorological Organisation’s Cloud Atlas, there are 9 basic types of cloud. Cumulonimbus a.k.a “King of Clouds” presides over them all, which is why the expression “on cloud nine” is synonymous with floating on the tallest cloud on Earth. Pretty euphoric, right? If you’re the sort of person who gets a thrill from thunderstorms that is… According to The Met Office, these powerhouses store the same amount of energy as 10 Hiroshima-sized atom bombs. I’m all for running in the rain for an endorphin rush, but Cumulonimbus sounds a little violent for my liking. I’m far more suited to the calmer climes of Cloud Twelve. Don’t bother looking it up in the Atlas though, you’ll find it easily enough on a quiet mews in Notting Hill, next door to Alice Temperley…
Here you can have a massage whilst lying on a bed of crystals and get your hair fluffed and nails buffed with the trendiest vegan brands. Alongside a healthy, organic, plant-based menu there’s plenty of organic wine and champagne.
The best part? Whilst you relax, you can drop your kids off in the creché. A magical, forest themed, sensory play zone with multi-coloured florescent lights and suction tubes that send balls whizzing into the air like something out of Charlie and the Chocolate factory. But rest assured, instead of everlasting gobstoppers and lickable wallpaper, their precious guts will be tended to in the plant-based café. Ofsted registered assistants will keep them occupied with activities from ballet to mindfulness.
Meanwhile you can amuse yourself in the first floor spa. It has six therapy rooms for non-invasive western and Ayurvedic inspired treatments; mani/pedi stations, a thermal suite including a steam, sauna and Himalayan salt brick room. There’s a couples suite with two treatment beds, filled with Dolomites quartz – essentially, sun-drenched sand, a nod to the ancient Egyptians who took “baths” in the hot desert sand to relax. The piece de resistance however is the 007 worthy secret weapon Softmesology. Non-invasive mesotherapy that penetrates hyper serums to skin cells as effectively as an injection without the use of needles. According to the trials, forehead lines decrease by an average of 44%. Founder and self-confessed data geek Jenya, who spent 17 years quantifying data with nerds and scientists before qualifying as a naturopath, saw results after just a couple of sessions and was sold, as am I after this whistle-stop tour.
Intricately carved wood and stone tiles imported from Bali, and Japanese silk wallpaper set the tone for the décor. On the second floor there are five clinic rooms for nutrition, herbal medicine, osteopathy, IV infusions, colonic irrigation and cryotherapy – under the management of an expert team.
Spa consultant Lisa Barden is an industry veteran. Nutritionist Eve Kalinik, a much worshipped gut goddess. F&B consultant Stu Henshall has worked with everyone from Mary Berry to The Prodigy (need we say more). Acupuncturist Ross J Barr, aside from being very easy on the eyes, is known as one of the foremost practitioners in his field. His expertise lies in female and male fertility and is used to handling babies while performing his magic on stressed out mums. Good to know. To top it off, the founder, Jenya Emets is a wonder woman who spent 17 years in finance before qualifying as a naturopath and holds a BA and Masters in Japanese Studies and Economics.
Now if this is all sounding a bit expensive and elitist, fear not. Whilst memberships start at £1,200 per year, most of the services here are available on a drop-in basis. I highly recommend a 24 Karat thickening Blow Dry with Abbey, who brings over a decades’ worth of experience from Aveda, and a “Happiness” manicure (a colour otherwise known as peach), with Irish charm, Sue. These two will truly brighten up your day and leave you on… well, cloud twelve.
Address: 2 – 5 Colville Mews, London, W11 2DA
Tube: Notting Hill Gate (Central, Circle & District)